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        1. 暗恋是一段年少的伤

          作者: 张兴旺2019年10月04日伤感日志

          就在昨晚,我彻底失恋了,不!与其说是自己失恋倒不如说是自我导演的一场暗恋罢了!不知怎的会在网上与她相识,更不曾想自己也经历了一场惊心动魄的暗恋,居然还是曾经对朋友信誓旦旦说绝不网恋的我!她姓马,真实名字我一直都没去问,只知道她特别喜欢直播说情感,人文!犹还记得自己第一次看到空间里的留言便鬼使神差的注册了账号去了她直播间,只知道那一晚,我便迷失了自己,再次忆起往事!

          她的声音是极好听的,没有小女生的娇气,一切都是那么随和,而我和她渐渐也成为网络中的好友,互诉衷肠,相互解忧!

          后来我恋爱了,她是我好哥们的堂妹,自己都不知道自己怎么稀里糊涂的就和她交往了,当我无意向她提及时,我隐隐感受到她言语间失落感!说来真的很奇怪,自己居然梦见她三次,而现实中的女友竟一次也没有!直到昨晚和马姑娘才结束了网络中的友谊小船,倔强的我仍未曾说过一句我喜欢你很久了的话,为此我难过失落了整整一晚上,因为错真的在我!

          谁都知道,恋爱没那么简单。尤其是遇到情投意合的几率更是渺小。所以,其实失恋是件小事。你喜欢的人不一定会喜欢你,喜欢你的人你也不一定要去喜欢。既然如此,又何必为了恋爱要死要活呢?失恋就是告诉你对的人还没出现,适合你的还要继续寻找,总会出现在你面前的,但你不能急。

          曾经年少,以为恋爱就是一切。为了暗恋的人,可以做一切傻事。现在回想,其实没有如愿也是因为他不是自己的良人。在适合的时间里遇到对的人,才是最幸福的。年少的爱情,未必都有完美的归宿。既然如此,我们又怎能避免失恋呢?我们不能预料自己喜欢的人是不是能够陪自己走很长很长的一段路,我们喜欢的只是现在的这个人,如果某个时间你觉得他不是你想要的人,也许提出分手的人就是你了!那也是失恋,只不过痛苦的人是对方。先转身的人,受到的伤绝对没有对方重。失恋让人想不开是因为承受不了这样的痛苦,又无处发泄,所以才会发生各种悲剧事件。

          我最擅长的恋爱是暗恋。不管是过去还是现在,始终没有否认暗恋的美好。说出口的恋情,也不一定会有结果,倒不如暗自关注。悲喜自知,心事自明。暗恋其实跟恋爱没多大差别,只是恋爱是对方明白你心意并且接受,最后失恋只占了 二分之一可能。而暗恋没有人知道,从来只有失恋的结局。并且失恋的早晚跟对方恋爱的时间有关。一旦对方恋爱了,也是你暗恋失恋的时候。

          到如今来说,我的恋爱只有二次,并且是进行时。我的目的是结婚,而恋爱只是结婚前的准备。不以结婚为目的的恋爱都是耍流氓是我的宗旨。既然开始了,就绝不言放手,爱到最后。一辈子不是很长,有一人陪伴足已。我暗恋的记录比恋爱辉煌,有4次。

          我知道,肯定有很多人不信。但我做过多少傻事只有我自己最清楚,也只有我自己明白当初有多么狼狈。喜欢一个人其实最想要的人希望她知道自己喜欢她,可我从来就不敢让人明白。也许是知道没有结果,也许是自卑,也许是怕连关心她的资格也没有,最起码没有恋爱的两个人,还可以是一辈子的朋友。

          暗恋带给我最大的好处是一直让我成长。我知道自己不是最优秀的,所以很少有人对我表白。但是我可以从暗恋中寻找快乐,也不会去干扰别人。其实我一直处于失恋的状态,因为暗恋的对象总会在不久的时间内有了男朋友。没有资格说什么,也没有资格继续关注,不属于自己的怎么样都不会属于自己,唯有转身才是最好的姿态。

          曾经面对暗恋失恋,心会很痛,甚至一度变得爱酗酒。一想到对方从没喜欢过自己,如今又有了男朋友,就会忍不住借酒消愁。 越到后来,就忘记了疼痛。这是很正常的现象。她恋爱也会失恋,其实她的痛会比自己还深。

          如今,再也不需要借助暗恋来让自己成长了。仍然感激我曾暗恋过的人,是她们温暖了我的年少时光,纵使她们不知道。我不曾是你们生命中出现的钻石,而你们却曾是我眼中最明亮的钻石。

          暗恋是一段年少的伤,过去了也就消失了。恋爱是人生的必经旅程,而失恋,不过是结束了一段美好的旅途。失恋是每个人都会有的伤心事,没有必要拿生命开玩笑。只要哭一哭,没什么大不了的。只要活着,我们还可以好好恋爱,还可以遇见生命中唯一的风景。 

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